Last week, I read a long story online in a forum from a gentleman who decided to divorce his wife after about ten years of marriage. The reason? She was always late for everything. Every significant event - big or small - was ruined for him because she was always late. One day, he had enough and decided enough was enough.
This is a deadly serious issue. Remember, etiquette and manners are all about other people, and one of the most precious things in life that people have is time. If you don't respect somebody's time, do you respect them as a person in the first place?
Is being late ever excusable?
Sometimes, circumstances arise, and we can't help the fact we will be late—unreliable public transport, traffic, screaming kids (for the parents), and so on.
Despite those understandable situations that feel unforeseeable, you should be responsible enough to factor in the risk of being late. After 30, you should have your life together enough that you are rarely late anywhere. Going back to the story I started with, being late is neither automatically excusable nor forgivable.
However, we're not perfect. We are late sometimes, and that's just a reality of life. It's up to the person or group for whom you are late to determine your forgiveness.
How not to tell people you will be late
Oh, I'll just send a text. "Will be a bit late sorry! See ya soon."
This is not okay. I mean, at least you have warned them, but the fact you can easily warn people now almost removes the incentive to be punctual because 'No problem, I'll just send a text if I'm late'.
Similarly, I've seen many posts on social media adopting an arrogant approach to lateness, which I find quite wrong and doesn't sit well with me. They tell you not to apologise at all, but to say 'Thank you for waiting' — the cheek.
They are the two approaches not to take.
How to correctly tell people you will be late
As in advance as possible. Firstly, they ought to be the first people to know you will be late. Secondly, it gives you both more time to decide whether it might be better to postpone the meeting instead.
I stick to the following rule of thumb:
However much you think you will be late, double it and tell them this much in advance of the agreed time.
For example, if you're due to meet at 10:00 and you think you will be ten minutes late and thus arrive at 10:10, ten minutes times two is twenty minutes, so tell them at 09:40 that you will be ten minutes late.
Flaking on people
Flaking is always undesirable, meaning the impulsive habitual act of cancelling plans. Many people get overwhelmed when the day comes and decide to cancel for no particular reason. I imagine people do this for two reasons. One, they have anxiety about socialising because they don't know how to do it properly. Two, they think it's ungallant or unpreferable to say no to somebody's face at the initial invitation.
It is always better to say you probably cannot make it from the outset than to lead people up the garden path. You don't have to go anywhere, but I recommend you do.
Happy and successful people are so because they open themselves up to more opportunities and say 'yes' more than 'no'. The trick is to know when an occasion or meeting is worth your time and investment and when it is not. That I cannot teach you, but the point remains that wilful flaking on people is poor manners.
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